Relationship Wellness

SEXUALITY - SENSUALITY - INTIMACY - ROMANTIC COMPATIBILITY

What is stopping you from achieving the results you want (by yourself)?

No Therapy, Brainspotting, or Hypnotherapy will work or be successful unless the client wants it to be. As much as they are willing to join in the journey and own their participation in the process is the same degree to which they will experience change and a better life. Any coercion or pressure by the therapist will only create resistance, so there must be a strong therapeutic bond of trust and a safe, nonjudgmental environment in which the client can become vulnerable, let down their defenses, and experience something different than what they have always experienced, a new and better way.

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Do not believe that you can come to counseling for one hour a week or every two weeks… (while having 167 hours a week outside of the session for you to enact and practice faithfully those things you learned in session). If you do not consistently work on change outside of the session you will accomplish nothing and your lifestyle will NOT change. You will simply be deceiving yourself and wasting my time (and your $). I have limited years remaining and want to invest my time and talents in those who do not take it for granted. If you want traditional counseling please go to one of the many cookie-cutter counselors offered in your area. I cannot want a better/healthier life for you than you do.

To play all youtube videos press the white arrow in the middle & then go to the bottom left corner & press the start arrow/button

LOVE IS NOT BASED ON SEX. LOVE IS BASED ON TRUST, RESPECT, HONOR AND HONESTY

GOOD OR BAD SEX IS JUST A BAROMETER OF THE QUALITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

 I am passionate about working with sexual concerns (whether LGBTQ or Straight/Cisgender) which includes but is not limited to such things as intimacy, pornography, sex addiction, infidelity, wounds from sexual trauma, and differences in sexual libido.

Sex therapists work with individuals and couples who are having trouble relating to their partners or to themselves sexually. They listen, they advise, and they listen some more. They work within the belief system that sex is good, that relationships should be meaningful, and that intimacy is a desirable goal.

Sex therapists meet all sorts of people, and must be non-judgmental, non-sexist, and not homophobic. They treat emotional problems, communication difficulties, and past traumas as part of the therapy. Sex therapists try and get to the root of the problem, as well as addressing the surface issue. These may only be the result of much bigger problem, and it is up to the therapist to uncover and treat that underlying issue. Many individuals feel ill at ease or guilty about their own sexuality, and are unable to express their thoughts about it.

YEARNINGS

“ She hungered for his fingers to trace her curves, his hands to caress her skin, his mouth to make her moan. Equally, she ached for his mind to entice her, his soul to allure her and his heart to seduce her. She desired the friendship on fire but wanted it to only burn for her with no competition. She wanted to build something safe, secure, and still freeing, to be able to be serious or somber in the same conversation with ease. She wished to bathe together in the tantric desires of heart, mind, soul, and body for eternity.

But she was afraid of how much she cared for him. She wanted the butterflies to die instead of fluttering inside when she thought of him and to fall out of any love she had hoped for from him. The strings from friendship controlling the puppet of connection had become too hard for her to maneuver. One moment she felt like he saw her and loved who she is, and in the next she felt like he only saw her body to be given to him for pleasure. She longed for sole custody of intellect, heart, soul, dreams, and ambitions shared or exchanged. She was trying to fight for the opportunity to journey toward that custody. 

It was never ending and a never going to win desire. The truth was that she felt disposable and interchangeable to him. His pleasure came from giving a cheap imitation of genuine intimacy, and he was satisfied with that. His carnal needs were what mattered to him. Her soulful needs were not ever going to be noticed by him let alone acknowledged to be explored. Her fight needed to be in accepting this. To let the butterflies die. To fall out of all feelings she had for him to have the strength to hold onto hope. Hope for all that is authentic, honest, loyal, and genuine. For the man who equally desired, ached for, longed for, and wanted to know all of …her.”

Love me from the inside out, know my deepest secrets, listen to the voices in my head, feel the beating of my heart, then show how you love me. I want one who can touch my soul, who can bring pleasure in a sigh, one who hears my hopes, who can see the vision of my dreams, one who wants to live them with me, touch me in places long forgotten, deep down into the darkness, shine a light and find me, the one I never show anyone, that is the level of intimacy I seek...

DISCLAIMER: I do not subscribe to Teal Swan’s ideology, or most of her new age beliefs or claims - However any video posted herein has been viewed by me and I have found these contents credible for the most part.

“We look forward to the time when the Power of Love is greater than the Love of Power.

Then will our relationships and the world know the blessings of peace.”

JESUS - Actions speak louder than words. Reiterated by Jimi Hendrix, William E. Gladstone

Sex. It's the most natural thing in the world. But, for many people, it's also frightening, mystifying, and difficult to talk about, let alone engage in. Often, when people have been sexually molested, endured a sexually-related illness, or been psychologically traumatized, they are unable to react sexually. They may no longer trust others, they may no longer feel loving towards themselves. They may believe their sexual feelings are dangerous and wrong.

Sex therapists are important, because it they can work the clients through their problems, and encourage them to accept themselves and sex as important parts of their lives.

May your breath blow upon my life until I awaken and become fully yours. Breathe upon me, Stir up the sweet spice of your life within me. Make me your fruitful garden, until I release your fragrance. Come be with me as yours alone until we become one.

Song of Songs‬ ‭4:16‬

Come taste the fruits of your garden and release your love in me. I have come to you, I am fully yours. Come taste the fruits of your life in me.

Parents may choose to visit a sex therapist to discuss how to deal with their child's emerging sexuality. The children will most likely never see the therapist, as the therapist only advises the parents on sexual education, and how to talk with their children about protection,

hetero-&-homosexuality when the time comes. Sex therapists may host workshops and classes for families, school groups, and community and religious centers, giving information on everything from abuse recovery to using a condom.

Sex therapists also help people who are experiencing difficulties because of physical disabilities, illness, surgery, aging, or alcohol abuse. They may be trained in a number of areas, making them ready for any issue or complaint that may come up.

Sex Therapy

What You Should Know

• How it works

• How to know if you need it

• Finding a provider

• Considerations

• Bottom line

  What is sex therapy?

• Sex therapy is a type of talk therapy that’s designed to help individuals and couples address medical, psychological, personal, or interpersonal factors impacting sexual satisfaction.

• The goal of sex therapy is to help people move past physical and emotional challenges to have a satisfying pleasurable sex life.

Sexual dysfunction is common. In fact, 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men report experiencing some type of sexual dysfunction during their lifetimes.

These dysfunctions may include:

• erectile dysfunction

• low libido

• lack of interest

• premature ejaculation

• low confidence

• lack of response to sexual stimulus

• inability to reach orgasm

• excessive libido

• inability to control sexual behavior

• distressing sexual thoughts

• unwanted sexual fetishes

How does sex therapy work?

Sex therapy is like any type of psychotherapy.

You treat the condition by talking through your experiences, worries, and feelings.

Together with your therapist, you learn coping mechanisms to help improve your responses in the future so that you can have a healthier sex life.

During your initial appointments, your therapist will either talk with just you or with you and your partner together.

The therapist is there to guide and help you process your current challenge:

• They are not there to take one person’s side or to help persuade anyone.

• Also, everyone will keep their clothes on. The therapist will not be having sexual relations with anyone or showing anyone how to have sex.

• With each session, your therapist will continue to push you toward better acceptance of your full sexuality and management of your concerns that may be leading to any sexual dysfunction. All talk therapy, including sex therapy, is both a supportive and an educational environment.

It’s meant to provide comfort and encouragement for change. You will likely leave your therapist’s office with assignments and work to do before your next appointment. If your therapist suspects the dysfunction you’re experiencing is the result of a physical sexual concern, they may refer you to a medical doctor. Your therapist and the doctor can consult about your signs and symptoms and work to help find any physical concerns that may be contributing to greater sexual problems.

One way to determine if you need to see a sex therapist instead of another type of talk therapist is to analyze what parts of your life are the most affected by how you feel right now.

If your quality of life and emotional health are greatly affected by your sexual dysfunction, it’s a good idea to see a sex therapist. Likewise, if a lack of intimacy or difficulty communicating with a partner leads as your most serious personal concern, a sex therapist is the place to start.

How do I find a sex therapist?

A certified sex therapist can be a licensed psychiatrist, psychologist, marriage and family therapist, or clinical social worker. These mental health experts undergo extensive additional training in human sexuality. You can also ask your insurance company. They may be able to give you a list of names of certified sex therapists. You can work through the list until you find the sex therapist you want. If you’d like a more personal recommendation, talk with your health care provider, gynecologist, or urologist. Many doctors recommend sex therapists to their patients every day. They might be able to direct you toward a provider whose style closely aligns with your own. You can also talk with your friends. Bringing up intimate details can be difficult for some people, but if you’re comfortable asking a friend, they may be able to recommend a doctor you and your partner can trust.

WHAT TO KNOW BEFORE YOUR APPOINTMENT

When you’re ready to begin sex therapy, keep these five things in mind as you prepare to decide on whom to meet for therapy.

Compatibility

Therapists are unique. Successful therapy depends largely on how well you communicate with your therapist and how much you trust them and their guidance to help you through your concerns. If you don’t feel comfortable with a sex therapist at any point, look for another.

Solo versus couple

You do not have to bring your partner with you to sex therapy. For some individuals, solo sex therapy is adequate to address concerns. For others, having both people present during therapy may help improve satisfaction and build a stronger connection. Talk with your partner about your choice to begin therapy. If you’d like them to be involved, ask.

Logistics

When deciding on a sex therapist, it’s important to keep in mind where your therapist’s office is and how easy it is for you to get to. You may be attending appointments during your lunch hour, after work, or on random days when you have a free hour.

Some therapists also offer tele-health sessions, so you may be able to meet with them online from the comfort of your home.

Make sure it’s convenient to reach your doctor’s office, or you may find yourself creating excuses to avoid it.

Treatment plan

During your first appointment, your therapist will likely go over an initial treatment plan with you. For most individuals and couples, several sessions are required at first.

However, once treatment is making a significant difference and your therapist feels confident you can handle future challenges, you may be released from your therapist’s care.

The bottom line

A fulfilling sex life is vital and physical and emotional elements of a healthy sex life have far-reaching benefits, including lower blood pressure, better heart health, and stress reduction. Sex is also just a natural, fun part of life. However, for some people, sex is a source of great anxiety and worry. Sexual dysfunction can lead to relationship complications, loss of confidence, and many other negative effects. Sex therapy is an integrative approach to treating and eliminating underlying challenges. These concerns may be physical, such as low circulation. They may also be psychological concerns, such as anxiety, stress, and confidence issues. Sex therapy can help individuals and couples find a way to have open, honest communication so that they can work through any concerns or challenges toward a healthy, happy sex life.

I HAVE FOUND THE ONE WHO MY SOUL LOVES -

SONG OF SONGS 3:4

A selection from the erotica of the Penetrating Scripture verses of the Bible, with most being from the Song of Songs. In the Bible and in the Hebrew Language "To Know" meant to know Intimately, physically, emotionally, relationally as between a Bride and her Groom.

Proverbs 7:13-18 - I looked for you and have found you! I have covered my bed with colored linens from Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. Come, let’s drink deeply of love till morning; let’s enjoy ourselves with love! (NIV)

Her Garden (Song Of Songs 4:16) - Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. (NIV)

Some For Him, Some For Her (Song Of Songs 2:3-4)

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. Let him lead me to the banquet hall, and let his banner over me be love. (NIV)

MORE SEX

A woman’s sexual response cycle is strongly influenced by her mental health and by the quality of her relationship with her partner. Initial desire typically lessens with age but increases with a new partner at any age. Women like sex as much as any man, and sometimes even more so depending on the female, but all females crave emotional intimacy even more.

Men are like light switches and physically if well can be ready for sex almost spontaneously. Men are very visual and enjoy women who also initiate sex and romance as well as like to be conquered or play out fantasies and role play. If both partners are equal consenting adults whatever they mutually agree on between them is permitted.

Some females like light bondage and dominance (not abuse) like being tied up, hand cuffs, hair pulling, butt slapping, and etc. as long as she feels safe mind, body, emotions and spirit. She has the freedom to be all she is - wild and untamed - if the male is confident and secure, and not intimidated by her intelligence, looks, spirit, or spontaneity and adventure.

The biggest complaint made by female’s during counseling sessions is that their partner is not emotionally present, or there is not enough romance and safety in the relationship. Women’s body’s, mind, emotions and spirit are more like a crockpot. They are slow to warm and physically it can take as much as four hours of romance and foreplay (before ever going into the bedroom or surrendering her whole self) for a female’s body to reroute her blood floor into clitoris region for orgasm. Of course there are exceptions to every rule.

Men and women initiate or agree to sexual activity for many reasons, including sharing sexual excitement and physical pleasure and experiencing affection, love, romance, or intimacy. However, women are more likely to report emotional motivations such as:

• To experience and encourage emotional intimacy

• To increase their sense of well-being

• To confirm their desirability

• To please or placate a partner

Women access sexual desire (responsive desire) once sexual stimulation triggers excitement and pleasure (subjective arousal) and genital congestion (physical genital arousal). Desire for sexual satisfaction, which may or may not include one or multiple orgasms, builds as sexual activity and intimacy continue, and a physically and emotionally rewarding experience fulfills and reinforces the woman’s original motivations.

Physiology of the female sexual response is incompletely understood but involves hormonal and central nervous system (CNS) factors.

Estrogens influence sexual response. It is suspected but not proved that androgens are involved and act via androgen receptors and estrogen receptors (after intracellular conversion of testosterone to estradiol). Estrogen helps maintain genital tissue sensitivity, vaginal pH, normal microflora, elasticity, lubrication, urinary continence, and pelvic muscle tone.

After menopause, ovarian estrogen production ceases, while ovarian androgen production varies. However, adrenal production of prohormones (eg, dehydroepiandrosterone sulfate [DHEAS]) that are converted to both androgens and estrogens in peripheral cells decreases starting in a woman’s 30s. Ovarian production of prohormones also declines after menopause. Overall, levels of androgen tend to stop decreasing at about age 60. Whether the decrease in sex hormone production plays any role in diminishing sexual desire, interest, or subjective arousal is unclear.

The brain produces sex hormones (neurosteroids) from cholesterol, and production may increase after menopause. Whether this documented increase is universal, whether it facilitates arousal as peripheral production decreases, and whether it is affected by exogenous hormone administration are all unknown.

Motivation

Motivation is the wish to engage in sexual activity. There are many reasons for wanting sexual activity, including sexual interest or desire. Sexual interest or desire may be triggered by thoughts, words, sights, smells, or touch. Motivation may be obvious at the outset or may build once the woman is aroused.

Arousal

Brain areas involved in cognition, emotion, motivation, and organization of genital congestion are activated. Neurotransmitters acting on specific receptors are involved. Based on known actions of drugs and on animal studies, some neurotransmitters appear to be prosexual; they include dopamine, norepinephrine, and melanocortin. Serotonin is usually sexually inhibitory, as are prolactin and gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA).

Genital congestion

This reflexive autonomic response occurs within seconds of a sexual stimulus and causes genital engorgement and lubrication. The brain's appraisal of the stimulus as biologically sexual, not necessarily as erotic or subjectively arousing, triggers this response. Smooth muscle cells around blood spaces in the vulva, clitoris, and vaginal arterioles dilate, increasing blood flow (engorgement) and transudation of interstitial fluid across the vaginal epithelium (lubrication). Women are not always aware of congestion; genital tingling and throbbing are more typically reported by younger women. As women age, basal genital blood flow decreases, but genital congestion in response to sexual stimuli (eg, erotic videos) may not.

Orgasm

Peak excitement occurs; it is accompanied by contractions of pelvic muscles every 0.8 seconds and is followed by slow release of genital congestion. Thoracolumbar sympathetic outflow tracts appear to be involved, but orgasm is possible even after complete spinal cord transection (when a vibrator is used to stimulate the cervix). Prolactin, antidiuretic hormone (ADH), and oxytocin are released at orgasm and may contribute to the sense of well-being, relaxation, or fatigue that follows (resolution). However, many women experience a sense of well-being and relaxation without experiencing any definite orgasm.

Resolution

Resolution is a sense of well-being, widespread muscular relaxation, or fatigue that typically follows orgasm. However, resolution can occur slowly after highly arousing sexual activity without orgasm. Oxytocin fills both the female’s and male’s body in the resolution stage. It encourges deeper bonding and intimacy between the two. Many women can respond to additional stimulation almost immediately after resolution

• Low Libido in Women: Why It Happens and How to Treat It

• 6 Quick Tricks for Spicing Things Up in the Bedroom

• Vaginal Strengthening Exercises to Improve Sexual Health

• Can’t Climax? Here Are Some Tips

• Anorgasmia in Women