SHADOW WORK
“Healing is not becoming the best version of yourself. Healing is letting the worst version of yourself be loved.”
THE MASK
What is stopping you from achieving the results you want (by yourself)?
Our Blind Spots - Johari Window - Click here to Download - Self Awareness
No Therapy, Brainspotting, or Hypnotherapy will work or be successful unless the client wants it to be. As much as they are willing to join in the journey and own their participation in the process is the same degree to which they will experience change and a better life. Any coercion or pressure by the therapist will only create resistance, so there must be a strong therapeutic bond of trust and a safe, nonjudgmental environment in which the client can become vulnerable, let down their defenses, and experience something different than what they have always experienced, a new and better way.
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Do not believe that you can come to counseling for one hour a week or every two weeks… (while having 167 hours a week outside of the session for you to enact and practice faithfully those things you learned in session). If you do not consistently work on change outside of the session you will accomplish nothing and your lifestyle will NOT change. You will simply be deceiving yourself and wasting my time (and your $). I have limited years remaining and want to invest my time and talents in those who do not take it for granted. If you want traditional counseling please go to one of the many cookie-cutter counselors offered in your area. I cannot want a better/healthier life for you than you do.
I don’t know your perspective on this but as a counselor I have found that the more we make things taboo the more our shadow sides wants it. Example: I tell you don’t think of chocolate cake, then automatically my mind sees a picture of chocolate cake and sets my appetite, taste buds, etc. and everything else to crave it. So I am creating a conflict within myself over the issue causing dissonance and humans can’t stand dissonance long before they give in or have to find a way to resolve the issue… usually by eating chocolate cake (metaphor). Then we label ourselves as bad for giving in and then we need to self medicate more to feel better about ourselves which leads right back to (you guessed it) chocolate cake (Replace chocolate cake with what ever your issue is).
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PROTECTORS - FIREFIGHTERS - EXILES - EVERY SHADOW WAS CREATED FOR GOOD
Our shadow selves are internal references from our experiences as a child and were created at the time to help bring comfort and safety; and adapt to a situation or person that felt threatening to us - but over time they became maladaptive (Dysfunctional) because the world is a much bigger place, and people are more complex than what our younger selves could comprehend.
Before you judge one of us, remember this...
We witness things that humans aren't meant to see, and we see them repeatedly. We perform the duties that you feel are beneath you. We solve your problems. We run towards the things that you run away from. We go out to fight what you fear. We stand between you and the monsters that want to damage you. You want to pretend that they don't exist, but we know better. We do the things that the vast majority are too soft, too weak, too cowardly to do.
Your life is more peaceful, because of us.
We know this - there ARE things worth fighting. We believe that fighting what others fear is honorable, noble, and just - and we are willing to pay the price for that deeply held belief. Why? For us, it isn't a choice... It is what we are. We are simply built that way. ~ Author Unknown
Do you ever get the sense that you have a dark side? Are there parts of you you’d rather keep hidden? These are common feelings, and it turns out that they may hold some truth. Some experts even believe there’s a way to tap into this “dark side” to deepen self-awareness and growth. It’s called shadow work, and it explores the side of you that stays out of view. It’s something you can do within therapy and, at times, by yourself.
What is shadow work?
Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, brought shadow work into a more public view within Western culture,
“[Shadow work] is the idea that we all have different parts to ourselves.” “The parts of ourselves that have been exiled… tend to become the shadow parts.” Everyone has a shadow that typically develops in childhood. “As a child, there are many times you’re told to stop doing something… or repress parts of yourself that… for whatever reason have [been] deemed unacceptable.” Experts say exploring shadows can provide important answers. “You’re trying, through this work, to make a deeper connection to yourself and your soul to be a more complete version of yourself.”
Benefits of shadow work
feeling whole or integrated as a person
improved interactions with others
healing generational trauma
learning healthy ways to meet your needs
“A lot of people talk about themselves in parts.” “When I do ‘parts’ work with clients, it’s to help them understand that they can become whole and always have been, but [it’s] life experiences that made them feel disjointed.”
It can help how you interact with others
As you gain more self-awareness, you’ll learn to trust yourself more. And you can use that introspection in relationships. For example, perhaps you were told not to “talk back” during childhood, and you have trouble standing up for yourself as an adult.
You could heal generational trauma
Shadow work can heal wounds from childhood, often brought on by primary caregivers like a parent.
“You’re always doing the work of healing yourself, healing your parents, and healing the lineage, especially when you start to address generational traumas within the shadow experience.”
And it can also help you think about your approach to caregiving, should you have children.
“It helps you look at your family structure and makes you think, ‘Is this something I want to continue with my family?’
You’ll meet your needs in healthier ways
Our shadow self can cause destructive behaviors. For instance, people who were taught that wanting to be close with someone was “clingy” may have trouble in future relationships and cheat on a partner.
Exploring one’s shadow can help people find more constructive habits.
“When you’re hiding nothing from yourself and can see yourself fully, it’s a lot easier to be in control of yourself.”
Shadow repression
Keeping your shadow hidden is a form of repression, and experts share that it may have consequences.
“It’s like recognizing that you’re having an issue but aren’t allowing yourself to really deal with it.”
People may:
self-soothe with drugs or alcohol
talk negatively about themselves
experience stress
experience mental health difficulties, like depression and anxiety
“Instead of [confronting what’s hurting you], you take your pain out on yourself.”
Repressing a shadow can lead people to live inauthentic lives.
“People have issues with self-identity and talking about what’s important to them and what they value.” “That can lead them to the wrong careers or relationships, but they have a hard time seeing why.”
How to do shadow work
What beginners should know
Clients don’t simply start doing shadow work. It takes time, and beginners have to develop more awareness of emotions they might otherwise shrug off.
“You’re going to have to be intentional about noticing your own reactions.” “Someone who’s been doing it for a long time is going to be more skilled at this.”
People who are new to shadow work keep a running log of times they have a strong emotion and what triggered it. Signs include feeling like you had a “gut punch” or felt your chest tightening.
“The shadow is most apparent in strong emotions.” “Being able to log what those emotions… and sensations are that you noticed can help you see patterns.”
A general guide to shadow work
Shadow work to peeling back the layers of an onion.
“Think about the times when you feel something bubbling inside of you, and you’re wondering why you’re so upset.” “You’re upset because there’s been a part of you that’s been hiding out for a long time… and wants to come out.”
It’s important to step back and reflect on these moments rather than taking them at face value and moving forward.
“A lot of times, we’ll hear about something or see it, automatically judge it, and shut it off.” “If you judge yourself, you distance yourself from yourself. Then, the analysis stops, and we move on with life. I encourage people to notice strong reactions and sit with that.”
Shadow work test
Who am I?
What do I want?
What do I have to let go of to get the things I desire?
Who do I have to become to receive those things?
How do I want to show up?
Shadow work exercises
Evaluate times when you overdo it
Exploring areas of your life where you overdo it, such as working late hours, shows you how you engage with yourself and others.
“This also provides you with a rough blueprint as to what areas you may need to explore more and work on.”
Depletes vs. elevates
Say it out loud
Acknowledging shadow parts to a loved one or therapist can aid in self-acceptance and reduce shame.
Flip the script
Shadow parts often carry a negative connotation — but they shouldn’t.
“All traits and parts, even shadow parts, have an upside.” “When you can identify your shadow parts, explore what the benefits of the shadow part might be.”
Find value
Shadow parts can be distressing, but they can also reveal our values.
Shadow work in therapy
What to expect
Though it’s possible to do shadow work yourself it is far better doing it in therapy.
“It can be overwhelming because you have to confront your primary caregivers, and a lot of people have loyalty.” “You come to the realization that things weren’t what you thought they were.”
A therapist can help you work through those feelings constructively. But shadow work takes time to start, and a client and therapist need to establish a trusting relationship. Once it’s there, they can begin.
You can naturally integrate shadow work into sessions. “I’m looking for times when clients have a reaction to something, and they’re probably not comfortable with it.”
Then explore the root of the reaction.
“I ask, ‘Is this an old feeling?” “Almost always, you will hear that it is… and sometimes, you can get to the root of it when exploring whether they’ve experienced these sensations in the past.”
How long does shadow work take?
Like many aspects of working on your mental health, shadow work can take time. Every person is different.
“If there’s been childhood [trauma], it’s going to be more difficult and might be a couple of years before we can get to the shadow part in therapy,” “If someone comes in and has a pretty trauma-free history, but maybe they have some depression or anxiety, it may be a few months before you start addressing and resolving it.”
Even after one part of your past is addressed and resolved, Shadow work is a never-ending journey.
“You learn to incorporate the aspects of processing it throughout your life.”
Find a therapist who is, or does the following:
intuitive
shadow work
generational trauma
inner child
mind/body/spirit connection
Brainspotting
parts work
Spiritual dimension of shadow work
For some, shadow work can feel like soul-care, something that can benefit those around you.
“If you can [connect with yourself and soul], you can access the parts of yourself that you can’t see, and that may allow you to experience a wider range of emotions that might be used to better yourself and help others.”
For instance, if you have anger, facing it instead of denying it can lead you down a path in which you channel your energy into fighting against injustice.
“You can harness your anger in a more positive way to create change within the world.” Some therapists say the insights that come from shadow work may even feel like a spiritual experience.
Is shadow work dangerous?
Anyone can benefit from shadow work and that not doing it is actually more dangerous than doing it.
“There’s nothing about you that is unbearable.” “Whatever is inside of you, it’s already acting itself out. Looking at it makes it safer.”
Still, it’s recommended to have the support of a licensed therapist when you engage in shadow work.
Shadow work was popularized by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung. It explores sides of yourself that you’ve exiled or repressed.
A shadow usually develops in early childhood when we’re told that certain behaviors are unacceptable. Proponents of shadow work say it can help heal generational trauma, allow people to rethink the messages they send children in their life, cope with emotions in more constructive ways, and feel more whole.